Know what you need so you can ask for it.

This morning, we are three days into our much-needed family vacation at the beach.

Have you taken time to be joyful this Summer. Relaxed? No matter where you are in the journey of separation or divorce, taking time out for yourself and your family is one of the most important things you can do.

So, what does that look like for you or what kind of vacation do you need?

To answer that question, ask yourself what you are feeling deprived of right now? Here is a list of examples. Actually, why don’t you print out this post and grab a pencil and do some work with me this morning.


physical energy

time to yourself

emotional support

peace and harmony

touch, feeling close to someone

creative stimulation

fun and adventure


soul-nourishing friendships


quiet time to read

time out with friends

Circle the ones above that resonate with you and add your own personal list next to these. Are there are things you feel deprived of right now? Be specific. For instance, you might say that you are feeling deprived of emotional support because your family has not been there for you through these last few months. Or, that you are in need of creative stimulation because you never have time to paint which is something you love to do but you feel compelled to work longer hours because of the financial strain the divorce has put on you.

This exercise really helps you to gain greater clarity about what it is you feel deprived of and how you can go about meeting your needs so that you no longer feel the deprivation. So, now turn around your answers above. Turn them around to say how that need can be met. For instance, take the first example I gave above about emotional support. We would turn that around to say : I need to express my disappointment to my family for their lack of support and look for support from friends and work on my own inner support system. The second example might go : I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself and know that all is going to be okay. I will be a better mom and employee when I take care of myself, and that includes scheduling time to do my art.

I know for myself this Summer what I needed most was true quiet time. I needed to focus 100% on my family and myself. I needed to read books and cook fresh fish, scallops, shrimp, and local veggies (and make lots of tomato sandwiches for lunch). My intention for this vacation is set — to be relaxed, happy, joyful, content with where I am in the moment, kayaking on the sound, fishing, running on the beach, to feel blessed with time to be with everyone and time to be alone with my books. And, I know all of this because I have felt deprived of quiet time, reading time, fun and adventure, and relaxation.

You gotta know what you need to ask for it. And, by asking for what you need, you are so much closer to living a beautiful, happy life. Take care of yourself this week.

Go here for more resources on going through divorce and healing your way through it. Please leave a comment here. I want to hear about what you think and how you have taken action this week. Let’s talk on the Facebook page or send me an email at

The divine light in me honors the divine light in you,

P.S. If you live in the Washington, DC area, here is the information on my new office for mediation clients in Maryland, Washington, DC, and Virginia : 1425 K St. NW, Washington, DC 20005. My telephone number is (202) 587-2772.

P.S.S. Have you checked out the amazing interviews I have been recording? Go here to check out the North Star Sessions™ Interview Series. So far, a specialist on step-families, when to know you are ready for a new relationship, the spousal buyout, and healing through divorce with affirmations.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.

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