The Unintentional Bliss of Life.


To betray : 1. To be disloyal to.  2. To fail or desert especially when one is in need. 3. To disclose in violation of confidence.  4. To show or indicate, to reveal uninentionally.

Wow.  The word betray can mean “to show or indicate, to reveal unintentionally.”  This is a definition from the Merriam Webster Dictionary.

I was just thinking yesterday about betrayal.  About how many clients and friends I talk to each week who feel betrayed.  How I myself have had to work through healing my own ability to trust others because of past hurts, betrayals.  Especially in marriage, where we have vowed to commit to one another, to our marriage, dishonesty really hurts at the very core of our being because it’s a promise.  With promises come a sense of entitlement.  Whether it is infidelity or a truth about oneself revealed after marriage, the trust between us is depleted.  But what of this fourth definition?  Isn’t this the reality of what betrayal is — to reveal a truth, unintentionally?

One of my favorite authors on relationships, David Riccho, says this about infidelity,

Infidelity is a state-of-the-union address, forcing us to see the truth about our relationship.

As the partner taking that in, what do we do with that information?  We have two choices.  We can react with resentment, anger and retaliation or we can react by leaning into the fear.  We can admit that we feel abandoned by our partner, allow and live there for awhile and work on these feelings.       “[I]nstead of acting out or repressing — use the situation as an opportunity to feel your heart, to feel the wound.  Use it as an opportunity to touch that soft spot.  Underneath all that craving or aversion or jealousy or feeling wretched about yourself, underneath all that hopelessness and despair and depression, there’s something extremely soft . . . Feel the wounded heart that ‘s underneath the addiction, self-loathing, or anger.  If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person.  It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart and to relate to that wound.”  – Pema Chodron in Start Where You Are.

And, finally, you have to go out and see this movie.  It is The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and it is potentially life changing.

I had already been thinking about this post yesterday, and then I found myself in a movie theater watching this film.  Perfect.  Exactly what I needed to see to bookend this for myself, for you.  Go out and see this film, and then tell me if the word betrayal does not take on a new meaning for you.  Through one’s betrayal, we are given another chance at joy, at life?  We must be grateful for those moments when the truth is revealed unintentionally.  Yes, it would be much better if everyone could always be truthful to us, to themselves, but for a multitude of reasons along the human trail, we can’t.  Thank god and the universe that truth is revealed — however that may be!  May it be sooner rather than later for each and all of us!

Have a beautiful week.  Enjoy this life we have been given!

Journal Prompt

How have you been betrayed?  What did you learn from it or where did it take you from there?  If it is a recent betrayal, what could it mean?  What is the truth that has been revealed?

Action Steps

Take action now.

1.  Go out and watch this film.  How did it make you feel?  What did you learn about betrayal?
2.  Leave a comment here about the post, the film, what you think.

One More Thing

If there’s anything I can do on my end to help you, in any capacity, please let me know.

Go here for more resources on going through divorce and healing your way through it.  Please leave a comment here.  I want to hear about what you think and how you have taken action this week.  Let’s talk on the Facebook page or send me an email at

The divine light in me honors the divine light in you,

P.S. If you live in the Washington, DC area, here is the information on my new office for mediation clients in Maryland, Washington, DC, and Virginia : 1425 K St. NW, Washington, DC 20005.  My telephone number is (202) 587-2772.

P.S.S. North Star Sessions is beginning again on June 8, 2012.  I am adding some new content on financial planning and division, plus weekly calls with experts on divorce, communication, relationships, kids and divorce etc.  Get on the list to find out how you can become a part.  Here’s the link to get on the list for a free workshop and to be the first to hear about the special discounted sign up period :


  • Amazing post, Candace! I now need to go and see that movie! I’ll put it on my to-do list for sure. As for betrayal, I used to hold grudges, actually be so angry at the person who hurt me, the one I trusted. Over the years, I discovered that I’m grateful for this. I want to live the most fulfilling life possible and sometimes it is best, you mentioned to ” Thank god and the universe that truth is revealed — however that may be! May it be sooner rather than later for each and all of us!”
    Love it! xo

    May 21, 2012
  • Candance, I love reading everything you write. You suck me in and your words resonate in a big way. I love this in particular “…I myself have had to work through healing my own ability to trust others because of past hurts, betrayals.”

    As I reflect on your words, I realize that in any relationship we have to think about what prior feelings and thoughts are impact how we show up in the relationship, in conversations, etc.

    I also try to remember that when people react to something I am saying… Sometimes they are not reactin to “me” but rather something that is running in the back of their mind, a story, a belief, etc.

    And finally… (didn’t mean to write so much! ;) )… I must see this movie! Hurry to iTunes!

    May 21, 2012

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