How to use a little divinity to think outside the box.

Talking about money. Why does money have to be such a stressful conversation? Money is an absolute fiction yet often feels as if it holds so much power over us.

In divorce, we have to divide up not just physically but financially. For most of my clients, it is the financial piece along with the child custody piece that cause the most anxiety and stress in divorce. These two issues are the most contentious and bring up the most fear, insecurity, and anger.

When you are stressed out about money though, you tend not to be able to think with your creative right brain. It’s difficult, so difficult, for you to think outside the box. Unfortunately, most attorneys aren’t going to do that either. I have worked in the family law world enough to have met attorneys who really just want the answers to come from the clients. From there, they go out and try to negotiate. But, what if your worry overtakes any real ability to give answers?

Let’s do what I call some Centered Brainstorming. The first thing you should do when you need to figure out how to divide up the finances is slow down. Take in three deep breaths. Go sit somewhere out of sight if you can and take a notebook with you.

Say this to yourself : I live in abundance. I have all I need.

Now take out your notebook and pen, and write down the first issue you need to deal with. For example, write down what is usually the big one — the house. Now before you get into how much equity there is or the numbers, just start writing down every possible scenario of how you could divide up the house. Include everything that comes to mind, even renting out the garage to an artist or selling it and moving to Italy. Whatever. Just write it all down. You should have at least 25 ideas of what can be done.

Take a look at the ideas and choose the top 3 for you. Can you take those to your attorney with a straight face? Do they feel right to you?
Do this with each and every financial issue you have in the divorce and notice all of the ideas that come to you. You can do it with any contentious issue. It gets you out of the emotional brain, the anxiety brain that keeps you stuck.

“And, when you want something, all of the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” — Paulo Coehlo

Next week, I will send you some worksheets to help you further with financial division.

Journal Prompt

Take a minute and journal for two pages about what the most contentious issues are right now for you in this divorce, and why.

Action Steps

Take action now.

1. Try some Centered Brainstorming for at least two of your current divorce issues.
2. Leave a comment here about the post, the film, what you think.

One More Thing

Register for the North Star Sessions. It is going to be an experience you need to be a part of.
It starts again on July 16.

Go here for more resources on going through divorce and healing your way through it. Please leave a comment here. I want to hear about what you think and how you have taken action this week. Let’s talk on the Facebook page or send me an email at

The divine light in me honors the divine light in you,

P.S. If you live in the Washington, DC area, here is the information on my new office for mediation clients in Maryland, Washington, DC, and Virginia : 1425 K St. NW, Washington, DC 20005. My telephone number is (202) 587-2772.

P.S.S. North Star Sessions is beginning again on July 16, 2012. I am adding some new content on financial planning and division, plus weekly calls with experts on divorce, communication, relationships, kids and divorce etc.

Leave a comment


Email(will not be published)*


Your comment*

Submit Comment