How mediation helps you to smoothly transition to life after divorce.

It’s raining this morning and the sky has luminous pink tones making all of the houses around glow. Kate is starting a summer day camp today, her first of the Summer. And, I begin a busy week.

This morning, I am preparing for an interview for a series with Teri Goetz of It’s her Summer Transformation series, and I am talking about the 3 Reasons Mediation is a Key to Smoothly Transitioning After Divorce. I get to talk about what I believe in and why. I will send you more information about the series as it starts up.

I thought I would share my thoughts with you here, first.

In divorce, communication is key. Mediation cuts down on the chances there will be any miscommunications. You are there in the room sitting next to or across from one another with a witness. And, it helps set the stage for post-divorce co-parenting. In preparing for my interview, however, what’s on my mind this morning is communication.

Mediation gives you flexibility and control over the divorce process. You design the agreement based on what will work best for you and your children. One side doesn’t write the agreement for the other’s review, therefore, setting up a power imbalance from the start. The two mutually create and review the agreements.

Mediation saves you money, time, energy. There are numerous studies of the amount spent on attorneys fees in divorce cases versus the amount spent on mediation which demonstrate that you will spend much more on an adversarial divorce versus a mediation. And, you not only spend money, but time and energy. Your’s and your kids.

Even if these three points are givens,

what comes up for you or what came up for you when you were considering the alternatives?

I know what came up for me. I worked with an attorney for over a year and finally decided to hire a mediator.

  • Fear of losing everything.
  • Worry that I would miss something.
  • I couldn’t be strategic.
  • I felt like a victim and worried I couldn’t speak up for myself.

For these reasons, it is super important that you pick a good mediator. Not just someone who looks good on paper, but someone who can talk about her philosophy with you. Someone who will meet with you ahead of time, and you connect with that person. Someone you intuitively know is a good fit. Choose a mediator who gets not only the practical work but the emotional work too, and someone who can tell you what tools he uses to help couples through what can be a difficult process. If you feel like or your spouse has been diagnosed with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, find out how the mediator might deal with issues that come up.


I release the need to blame anyone, including myself. We are all doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge and awareness that is here.

Action Steps

Take action now.

1. If you are in the beginning of the divorce process, search on line for two mediators that interest you. Call them today and set up an intial consultation.

2. Leave a comment here about the post, the film, what you think.

One More Thing

Register for the North Star Sessions. It is going to be an experience you need to be a part of.
It starts again on July 16.

Go here for more resources on going through divorce and healing your way through it. Please leave a comment here. I want to hear about what you think and how you have taken action this week. Let’s talk on the Facebook page or send me an email at

The divine light in me honors the divine light in you,

P.S. If you live in the Washington, DC area, here is the information on my new office for mediation clients in Maryland, Washington, DC, and Virginia : 1425 K St. NW, Washington, DC 20005. My telephone number is (202) 587-2772.

P.S.S. North Star Sessions is beginning again on July 16, 2012. I am adding some new content on financial planning and division, plus weekly calls with experts on divorce, communication, relationships, kids and divorce etc.

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