What do you do when your spouse hires an aggressive attorney?


There is probably nothing worse for your divorce process than when one of you hires an aggressive attorney.

And, it amazes me that there are attorneys out there that actually advertise as just that.  ”Aggressive Family Attorney” “Aggressive representation in family cases.”

Do you really want aggressive?  Please tell me how you can put the word “aggressive” and “family” in the same description.   But I digress…

It happens.  Sometimes the fear and insecurity gets the best of someone and they feel that what they need more than anything is an “aggressive” attorney to take care of them and their case.  For the other spouse and the kids (and the client too) this usually turns into months and sometimes years of a nightmare.

The consequence of one spouse hiring an aggressive divorce attorney is usually that the other spouse will in turn feel compelled to also hire an aggressive divorce attorney.  Then, the two sides begin the heated journey along an high conflict, adversarial divorce.  The family gets lost in the process.  It is no longer about the whole but about the parts of the whole.  Sometimes in these high conflict situations, the children are even appointed their own attorney.

Here are five tips for what you can do when your spouse hires the aggressive attorney :

  1. Propose mediation now before the process gets out of control.  Ask that you handle the mediation without attorneys.
  2. Find an attorney that comes with a positive recommendation.  Hire an attorney that is not aggressive but speaks to how they deal with aggressive attorneys on the other side.
  3. Ask your spouse if he or she would consider involving a family counselor to help you with the emotions of the process.
  4. Have a discussion with your spouse about what he or she needs most and how the two of you might settle outside of court and huge attorneys’ fees.
  5. Remember to not react to everything your spouse throws at you, but at the same time, protect yourself.  Find an attorney who gets this.  Talk to at least three.

Self-care is always the most important component of going through the divorce and grief process.  Without that you will find it very difficult to think clearly and to be the best mom or dad you can be. When one spouse takes the process to an aggressive place, you have no control over what she or he does.  You only have responsibility and control over your actions.  And, I have said this many times :

It only takes one to change the course of the divorce process.  It only takes one to create a more amicable process.    (Click on the link to tweet this.)

And, there is no greater reason to do this than the kids. I met a woman last week who connected me with this documentary opening in San Francisco on June 6.  (I am working on bringing it to Washington, DC.)  Watch this clip :

Split : Children’s Journeys Through Divorce

Tell me what you think.  Have you found yourself in this situation and what did you do right what do you feel went wrong?  I would love to hear your thoughts.  Email me candace@candacesmyth.com.

Warmly and with love,

P.S. Don’t forget to ask about the new support group starting in DC this month.  Contact me (202) 587-2772.

Leave a comment



Name*

Email(will not be published)*

Website

Your comment*

Submit Comment