Exercise Your Compassion Muscle.


Good morning!

We had a beautiful weekend celebrating Kate’s 8th birthday.  Last week she was in a play (two shows) and had her school’s annual performance night where she sang “Who Says” and played a piano piece duet with her piano teacher.  She (and all of us) were busy to say the least.  So, on Sunday, I drank lots of tea, rested, and watched Game of Thrones.  Does anyone else love that show as much as I do?  Yesterday was my day because Kate was with her dad.  I would love to have Kate every day of my life, but it is not possible and has not been possible since her dad and I separated.  I had to find the gift in it, and I know it to be that I am given days of rest, a day to read what I want to read, to spend time alone with my husband, to garden, to have brunch, to do whatever I want (within reason, of course).

I was talking to someone not too long ago about how difficult it was when I had to “let go” of having Kate every day and night.  It had to have been one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  I could not stop thinking about all of the days and activities that I was missing of her life.  What would she do that I would miss this week?  It is still a little painful to think about — especially because she was so young at the time.  I minimized the time away as much as I could, and I believe that it all worked out in the end and that Kate is much better for it.  She is strong and loved.  She loves being home with us and she loves going and being with her Dad too.

You have to find the gift in it when what is is not how you would prefer it to be.  Let’s not be the victim, but instead, the student.    For me, I had to learn to have self-compassion and to use the time to take care of me.

What is your Game of Thrones-like gift to yourself?

We learn from our experiences — good and bad.  We grow, we learn to love more and bigger hopefully.

I want to share with you an exercise that I learned at a recent event.  It is called the Compassion Exercise and it is a very simple five step process to personal peace. Go to The Avatar Compassion Project to get more information and your own free compassion kit.

Here are the five steps.  Focus with attention on your spouse whom you are separating from or divorcing (whatever stage you may be in right now) ::

Step One :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ____ is seeking some happiness for his/her life.

Step Two :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ______ is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life. 

Step Three :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ____ has known sadness, loneliness and despair.

Step Four :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ______ is seeking to fulfill his/her needs.

Step Five :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, _____ is learning about life. 

Close your eyes, deep breath in, and out.

And, as we are talking about letting go and compassion, this week’s interview with Rachel Strisik gets into the physical domain.  How do you deal with your space and the accumulation of stuff in a marriage when you are going through divorce.  What do you keep, what do you give away, throw away?  How can you use your space to take care of you?  Listen to the interview below!

Rachel Strisik is an organizing extraordinaire – Rachel uses creativity, style and a little elbow grease to help clients get their homes, schedules and lives in order. A professional organizer, Rachel empowers her clients to live more organized, productive lives.  Over the course of her career, she has worked on Capitol Hill and with start-ups. Most recently, she served as Director of Operations for a national personal styling company, Style for Hire, co-founded by celebrity stylist Stacy London from TLC’s What Not to Wear.  Rachel lives in the Washington, DC area with her husband and five year-old identical twin daughters.  Read more about her and how to get organized at : http://www.rachel-company.com/.

Click Here for the Interview. 

With love and light,

P.S. If you would like to talk with me about mediation and how it might help in your particular situation, call me (202) 587-2772 or email candace@candacesmyth.com.  I provide in-person (DC & MD) mediation sessions and skype sessions for those outside of the metro DC area.  Learn more about them here.

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