What you do now affects the rest.

We are all blessed with the ability to make a decision in present time.

I met with two women over the last couple of weeks who had a similar story.  They talked about how their divorce had gone relatively well.  They had children who are now thriving and close with both co-parents.  Then, they told me that their husband (second husband) and his children, however, had a very different story.  Both new husbands were still in litigation with their former spouses and co-parents.  Their children were in high school and college and both had been in litigation since the divorce when the children were much younger.  As you can imagine, they told me those children are not doing as well.

Then, another story.  A guy told me that he had recently married his wife and they are very much in love, but her former spouse will not let her move on.  And, he predicts a similar story as the ones above just beginning for him.

What I realized from listening to them is how important our decisions in the present moment are to our future.  Do you see that too?  It is easy to say, “well, if one wants to be litigious and not let go there is nothing you can do.”  But, I know you have heard me say before that it only takes one to make a change.  There are always two in conflict.

When one finds herself in conflict in divorce and possibly litigation, it is so important to have help to see through what  is truly going on.  What are the triggers? Why is she fighting so hard, why is he?  Most likely in these situations, there is a wound very deep.  If you and your ex and co-parent could have a mediated or therapeutic conversation about that wound today, it would not be able to fester into the future and affect the rest of your life and your children.

Here are some tips on how to take care of things now so you are not in litigation in 10 years.

  1. Take responsibility and shine a light on your part in the conflict.
  2. Even if you disagree with the main point, find common ground.  Try to agree with something your ex is putting out there.
  3. When you are having a conversation about something, keep on topic.  Don’t let yourself stray into old issues and hurts.  Stay on topic.
  4. Work on forgiving your spouse for the hurts you do have.  Know this takes time, but it starts with the desire to let go and forgive.
  5. Think about your kids first — before money, before your hurts and resentments.  Know that children need both parents in their lives whenever possible.
  6. Respect the other parent’s house and parenting.  They may do it in a way you do not approve of, but if you can let that go, your child will be happier and your co-parenting relationship will thrive.

Is there something that has helped you in your co-parenting relationship?

Number 6 was HUGE for me.  Once I stopped judging that Kate stayed up late to watch movies at Dad’s (and I really struggled with the judgment and worry about “routine” and whether she was getting enough sleep here), I saw the value in that, I respected him more as a Dad and for what he could give her that I would not.  Now, she loves and knows so much about film — black and white movies, etc.  She is an amazing writer and visionary.  She is making cartoons and animation videos.  I am not sure she would be doing all of that had she not had those late night experiences on the weekend with her Dad.  I credit him for instilling in her love of film.    She may have lost a couple of hours of sleep at 4, but she doesn’t remember that today at 8.  She has memories of her and her Dad and quality time.

Just let go of some things.  Watch how it changes response.

I know there are some things you can’t let go of but can you just change the way you respond to them?

Remember,

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  Viktor Frankl  

This week’s interview is with Natanya Lara.  Natanya and I met talking about the joys and challenges of co-parenting.   It is such a dance and one you learn as you move through each day.  I hope you enjoy this conversation on parenting as much as I did.

 

As an intentional parenting coach, Natanya works with parents who are struggling with parenting and are challenged and triggered by their children’s behavior.  With authenticity and compassion, she guides her clients in creating a parenting practice that is based in their values, which provides the foundation for confident, empathic parenting. Natanya has been a stay-at-home mom, full-time working mom, entrepreneur mom, married mom, and solo mom,  She has two boisterous boys, ages 5 and 7, who keep her on her toes and practicing her own work daily.  Visit her at www.natanyalara.com, to receive your free audio class, The Key to Intentional Parenting.  And, don’t miss her parenting summer camp!

http://natanyalara.com/parenting-summer-camp/

 

Here’s the link to the interview.

 

We are blessed with the ability to make a decision in the present time.

Lots of love to you,

 

 

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Exercise Your Compassion Muscle.

Good morning!

We had a beautiful weekend celebrating Kate’s 8th birthday.  Last week she was in a play (two shows) and had her school’s annual performance night where she sang “Who Says” and played a piano piece duet with her piano teacher.  She (and all of us) were busy to say the least.  So, on Sunday, I drank lots of tea, rested, and watched Game of Thrones.  Does anyone else love that show as much as I do?  Yesterday was my day because Kate was with her dad.  I would love to have Kate every day of my life, but it is not possible and has not been possible since her dad and I separated.  I had to find the gift in it, and I know it to be that I am given days of rest, a day to read what I want to read, to spend time alone with my husband, to garden, to have brunch, to do whatever I want (within reason, of course).

I was talking to someone not too long ago about how difficult it was when I had to “let go” of having Kate every day and night.  It had to have been one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  I could not stop thinking about all of the days and activities that I was missing of her life.  What would she do that I would miss this week?  It is still a little painful to think about — especially because she was so young at the time.  I minimized the time away as much as I could, and I believe that it all worked out in the end and that Kate is much better for it.  She is strong and loved.  She loves being home with us and she loves going and being with her Dad too.

You have to find the gift in it when what is is not how you would prefer it to be.  Let’s not be the victim, but instead, the student.    For me, I had to learn to have self-compassion and to use the time to take care of me.

What is your Game of Thrones-like gift to yourself?

We learn from our experiences — good and bad.  We grow, we learn to love more and bigger hopefully.

I want to share with you an exercise that I learned at a recent event.  It is called the Compassion Exercise and it is a very simple five step process to personal peace. Go to The Avatar Compassion Project to get more information and your own free compassion kit.

Here are the five steps.  Focus with attention on your spouse whom you are separating from or divorcing (whatever stage you may be in right now) ::

Step One :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ____ is seeking some happiness for his/her life.

Step Two :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ______ is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life. 

Step Three :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ____ has known sadness, loneliness and despair.

Step Four :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ______ is seeking to fulfill his/her needs.

Step Five :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, _____ is learning about life. 

Close your eyes, deep breath in, and out.

And, as we are talking about letting go and compassion, this week’s interview with Rachel Strisik gets into the physical domain.  How do you deal with your space and the accumulation of stuff in a marriage when you are going through divorce.  What do you keep, what do you give away, throw away?  How can you use your space to take care of you?  Listen to the interview below!

Rachel Strisik is an organizing extraordinaire – Rachel uses creativity, style and a little elbow grease to help clients get their homes, schedules and lives in order. A professional organizer, Rachel empowers her clients to live more organized, productive lives.  Over the course of her career, she has worked on Capitol Hill and with start-ups. Most recently, she served as Director of Operations for a national personal styling company, Style for Hire, co-founded by celebrity stylist Stacy London from TLC’s What Not to Wear.  Rachel lives in the Washington, DC area with her husband and five year-old identical twin daughters.  Read more about her and how to get organized at : http://www.rachel-company.com/.

Click Here for the Interview. 

With love and light,

P.S. If you would like to talk with me about mediation and how it might help in your particular situation, call me (202) 587-2772 or email candace@candacesmyth.com.  I provide in-person (DC & MD) mediation sessions and skype sessions for those outside of the metro DC area.  Learn more about them here.

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Our Casualties of War

Good morning.

The trees are still as I look outside my windows.  It is also chilly again — in the 50s.  The weather is not something we can feel confident in at all these days.  I never know how Kate should dress for the day.  She is doing a great job at picking out her clothes lately and layering.  Layering.  I never knew about layering growing up in the South, but I have found it to be one of the most useful dressing know-how essentials.  I am thankful that Frank — having grown up in Jersey — can assist with the wisdom there for Kate and for me.

This weekend I was around a group of amazing women.  I was sitting at lunch with a couple — one of which I interviewed for the North Star Sessions almost a year ago — Teri Goetz.  Her website is http://healthybeing.com.  We had just listened to a phenomenal speaker who  I had never heard speak or heard of before.  His name is Bo Eason and he is a former pro football player turned speaker and playwright.  His play, Runt of the Litter, was just turned into a screenplay and is being directed by the director of Shawshank Redemption and the Green Mile.  I was blown away by the way he presented his story.  It made me think about why I do the work I do, a little deeper.

What came to me at lunch — on the way to lunch and in the lunch is that I am driven by the pain others are going through.  I am on a mission to lead a global movement to stop and change the way divorce happens in our world.

This why goes back to being a child when my grandaddy shot himself.  I did not understand and can clearly remember the adults around me trying to deal with the pain themselves and avoiding, ignoring me and my pain.  They thought that if they just dealt with it on their own and didn’t talk about it (actually pushed it under the closet doors to never talk about again), I would be fine.  Or, I am guessing this was there thinking.  In the mean time, I was a mess and really hurting.  I became my grandaddy’s defender in every way and wanted to make sure he and his memory were clearly visible at all times.  I erected a make-shift plywood sculpture” in his honor and tried to force the adults to a strict observance of holidays “like grandaddy wanted us to do it this way.”  Any time I heard that he was an alcoholic, I would remind everyone in the room that he LOVED his grandchildren more than anything and we loved him.  The adults seemed to forget the very important and magical relationship this man had with his grandchildren.  He may have been diagnosed paranoid schitzoprhenic, had been an abuser of my Granny (who I also love more than anything), was an alcoholic and killed himself.  But, he was one of the only adults growing up who truly GOT ME.  He was able to show love like no one else and he was able to see me as a human being even when I was a child.

Children should not be treated as if they are invisible.  They are right here in front of us, and they matter.  It is also important to remember that children form their own relationships with people.  Just because we have a difficult relationship with our spouse, does not mean that their relationship will also be difficult or even abusive.

We have our very own casualties of war in this country that have nothing to do with Afghanistan or Iraq.  They are our children, and they have virtually no say in how their parents divorce.  They have no control over the effect it has on them as children.  WE as adults are the only ones who can turn this war around.  We do have the control, and we have a responsibility  to stop acting out of fear, anger, resentment, shame and start acting like adults.  Only we can take the steps necessary to change the course of our divorce.  This may be one of our greatest challenges, but it is here for us to move through and to the other side.  No, it may not fair.  But it is.

The truth is only we can let someone else’s words or behavior hurt us.  We have the power within us to be okay just as things are and to end our own suffering and the suffering our children experience.  Conflict engagement or war takes two.  If one disengages, what happens?  In most cases, the other disengages because there is no one to engage.  It only takes one to stop the war.  I say this all of the time and it really comes down to who wants the war to end most.  If one of the two feels powerless or like the other owes him, one has to ask what is most important and also learn to trust that the universe is rearranging itself for your best interest.  How can you move onto your new greatness when you are dependent?  Don’t you choose to be free?

Trust that everything is going to be okay.  Trust that things are happening in this process for a reason.  When you know the effect this is having on you and your children, begin making choices from a place of inner strength, not fear and insecurity.  Know that you are loved, and love yourself.  Loving yourself (i.e., taking care of yourself) may mean absolutely, positively walking away.

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”
― 
Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

———-

Part of this struggle is getting ahold of your finances during and after divorce.  This week, I have interviewed a financial advisor to help think through some of the financial issues and planning that come up in divorce.  Information and educating yourself about the things you do not know helps to alleviate fear.  Listen to this week’s North Star Sessions interview with Chris Brasacchio.

 

 

Chris Brasacchio has been in the financial planning business for over 20 years.  He is a certified financial planner and has his own fee-based planning firm, Chart House Financial, in the Washington, DC metro area.  You can find more about Chris and his work at www.charthousefinancial.com.

 

Click here to listen to the interview.

 

 

 

With love and light,

 

 

 

P.S.      If you are struggling to find a way through this process, call me to discuss my family mediation services.  I also provide skype mediation sessions for those outside of the DC metro area.  (202) 587-2772.

P.S.S.  If you are looking for a coach to help you divorce different and do it less expensively (much less!) and with a reduction in conflict, contact me by replying to this email now or call me (202) 587-2772.

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How Mediation Helps You File for Divorce on Your Own + Heal.

Good morning!  Ahhhh, Spring!  We have so many different birds out and about now.  There is one that has the most beautiful song — three notes — dum, dum dummmmmm.  I have to find out what kind of bird this is — its tune is so beautiful and different.  This weekend, I also got into my flower bed out front and did some excavating of my poor tulips so that they can peak above the surface.  I am ashamed to say that I have been neglectful with them this past year, so taking care of them made me really happy.  Here are the beautiful colors out my front door.  Please share your’s with me!

 

Divorce can be as easy or difficult as you want to make it.  I often feel like we self-sabotage the process — I know I did — by assuming that the process is going to be terrible, that our soon-to-be former spouse is going to be a nightmare. In fact, there are so many conversations that I have experienced among women where it is expected to be supportive of others as they rant about how terrible their ex is — how vile and evil.  No doubt there are some ex spouses that just don’t know how to behave, but we are being just as negative in our behavior when we tear them down with our words.  Worse.  As we tear our ex down — so too do we tear down that other half of our children.  No matter how difficult it is at times to take in, our children are not just of ourselves, they are of two people.  And, as we tear down our ex, we tear down them and ourselves.  We are truly all one.

“Fear-based ego is nothing more than the belief that we are separate beings, . . .  Only love is real.  And when we’are not thinking with love, since only love is real, then we’re actually not thinking at all.”  – Marianne Williamson

Today, I thought I would talk a little about how mediation can really help you file for divorce pro se, self-file, file for divorce with the assistance of attorneys.

Here’s the usual way things go down :

A husband and wife may try to work things out on their own.  Things come to a stand still or worse — things get ugly.  Each of them goes out and throws down thousands of dollars in retainers to hire attorneys.  They spend months each paying for their individual attorneys who are trained to fight for the respective client’s rights and interests.  (Note:  the children don’t usually have attorneys fighting for what is best for them.)  At the end of it all, maybe the attorneys will help the couple negotiate a settlement so that they do not find themselves in litigation, but usually the couple is truly bitter at one another in the end even if they are able to settle it out of court.

The problem with the family legal system is that it views everyone as very separate with independent right and interests.  It automatically pits two people who once loved one another (and really still do on some level) against each other.

What if, however, when a couple decides settling the issues is not possible on their own, they go straight to a mediator?

In mediation, it is most often about the whole picture and working out the details as amicably as possible.  Mediation is about listening to one another respectfully even when it is difficult to hear.  It is about working out the anger and fears by looking behind them to the triggers there.  With the help of a mediator,  a couple can actually come to an agreement on their own and file the divorce paperwork with the court themselves — saving time, worry, and money.  Each party may (and is encouraged to) have an attorney review the final settlement document, but comes to a self-made agreement, hopefully and commonly more stable emotionally and financially at the end of it.

Consider these statistics taken from a study by Dr. David Emery.  Dr. Emery’s studies at the University of Virginia’s Center for Children, Families and the Law used random assignment to ensure that both divorce mediation and litigation groups included the full spectrum of couples — determined by their ways of relating to one another. Divorce or custody dispute couples evaluated as “cooperative” “distant” and “angry” were randomly distributed to both groups.

Dr. Emery’s results found that twelve (12) years later after an average of only five (5) hours of mediation at the time of the parties’ divorce 

  • 28 percent of the nonresidential parents who mediated saw their children at least once a week, in comparison with 9 percent of parents who were assigned by the study to resolve their divorce or custody dispute by litigation.
  • 36 percent of nonresidential parents who litigated had not seen their children in the last year, in comparison with 16 percent of divorcing parents who were assigned to mediation.
  • Among divorce families who mediated, fully 59 percent of nonresidential parents talked to their children weekly or more often, compared with just 14 percent of nonresidential parents who litigated.
  • Finally, in comparison with families who went to court, the residential parent of divorcing couples who mediated, consistently reported that the nonresidential parent discussed problems with them more and participated more in the children’s discipline, grooming, religious training, errands, special events, school and church functions, recreational activities, holidays and vacations.
See more of the details from Dr. Emery’s study here.  

If you are having difficulty in your process, why not contact a mediator and just see if she or he thinks it might be helpful right now?  Call a few — see what they say.  Every mediator has his or her own style.  Make sure you find the right fit because it is an important relationship, much like a couples counselor in my view.  The more information you have, the better you are going to feel.

Going through any divorce process is difficult work and most find they do not take care of themselves through the process.  This week’s interview is about giving you simple ways to stay as physically healthy as possible through difficult times.

Linda Tabach :: Easy Care of Your Body Through Divorce.

 

 

Linda Taback is a holistic health coach, blogger, writer, running coach, half marathoner, mom of two grown children.  Linda received her health coaching certification fro the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and works mainly with women going through midlife transitions.  Linda has been featured in the Huffington Post and the book Health Tipping Point.  You can find her and more information about nutrition, healing, and running at http://lindatabach.com.

 

 

Click here to listen to the recording.   With love and light,

 

P.S.      If you are struggling to find a way through this process, call me to discuss my family mediation services.  I also provide skype mediation sessions for those outside of the DC metro area.  (202) 587-2772.

P.S.S.  If you are looking for a coach to help you divorce different and do it less expensively (much less!) and with a huge reduction in conflict, contact me by replying to this email now or call me (202) 587-2772.

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Have you reset for 2013?

Can you believe we are still in the first month of 2013?  I have to say that I am truly grateful to have a few more weeks here.  January of every year is so important for the rest of the year.  It is also a big month of change.  Those who are unhappy in their marriage or relationship find the new year the exact right time to take affirmative action in their situation — whether to leave the marriage, decide to start couples counseling, begin to take time for themselves to figure things out.  January is a great time to make a move.  I feel hopeful because I am finding more and more people who want to end their marriages in a more loving, peaceful way.

We all have the capacity to make a loving divorce and co-parenting relationship work. We do. And, many times it is our life path to work on our part in the conflict with our spouse or former partner. It is the work the universe or god has blessed us with. And, with each step through this work, we find ourselves wise, more healed, and better able to deal with the next great lesson.

So, with all this work, I want to give you a gift today for your January 2013.

This worksheet is part of the material for the very last week of the North Star Sessions. It is a worksheet to get you thinking more about what it is you want to do over the next six months. Get your gift here.

Now, right now, take five to ten minutes to free write, brainstorm, just let yourself go with 50 things you will do in the next six months. That is January through June. (And, in June, I will post the worksheet again for you so you can do it again.)

I love this exercise! I do it every year and sometimes more than once. Sometimes I get to 100.

Here are a few things on my list for the next six months : start rock climbing classes, take Kate to a museum every two weeks, finally complete that work of art (about my grandmother) that has been on my list for awhile, green juice daily, yoga three times a week, calendar time for writing my book.

Let me know what is on your list!

With love and light,

P.S. Let’s keep this work going. I am getting ready to open up a new North Star Sessions group. I am giving a free one hour tele-class on January 24, 2013 from 9 a.m. – 10 a.m. And, if you miss it, no worries because there will be an encore call on Friday, January 26 (Saturday) and I am recording it. I will be sending more details, so keep watching for more information!

P.S.S. If you are struggling to find a way through this process and you live in Washington, DC or Maryland, call me to discuss my family mediation services. (202) 587-2772 .

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What Do You Believe About Divorce?

I hope you had a beautiful fall weekend.  It is finally here, it seems.  Chilly weather — Kate is already in her coat and saying she needs her gloves.  And, we received the gift of time yesterday — an hour back.  I love when daylight savings time ends.  It is almost a holiday in my book because I am such an early riser.  I love that extra hour to myself in the morning!

I have been thinking a bit over the last couple of weeks about why I am a mediator for couples going through divorce. I feel like it is something that I have been called to do all my life, as I see both sides to everything and always look at the big picture. I always question, who is this really hurting? In my own divorce, although I tried to step back and look at everything from a different perspective. I was so raw from the pain that it was really difficult to do. I also felt justified because of that pain. Over the years, I worked hard to heal myself and take responsibility for my own actions. I also let go of the anger, resentment and judgment of my co-parent’s parenting skills. I also acknowledge all of the work he must have done as well.

At the time, though, I had never seen a loving divorce. I did not have that in my memory bank such that I could pull it up as a reference. In fact, I was ashamed I was even getting divorced at all. So, of course, I had to work on that energy as well. But, initially, I just could not see how a divorce could not be painful, how my daughter could not be sad and negatively affected, how life would ever be “normal” again. I wanted a loving divorce, but I did not see it as a true possibility. I limited the experience. It was only from opening, forgiving, letting go and believing that a positive, loving co-parenting relationship was possible that it began to happen.

Your divorce process and co-parenting relationship is only fixed by your beliefs and your desire.  Tweet this

 

Here are four techniques to work on your limiting beliefs and get back on track :

  1. Journal, make a list, brainstorm how you would like your life to be once the divorce is final. Take the givens, include how you would like most to interact with your co-parent. How would you like your child or children to be? Where do you want to be living? A key here is to just go with it and get it all down and out of you.
  2. From that brainstorm, make a list of what you hope to resolve and how you would like the divorce to end. This is a list of your divorce goals. Stretch yourself but be a bit realistic at the same time. And, then, add a phrase about how this makes you and others feel (i.e., one might be : Our children are with me every weekday with alternating weekends and with two nights during the week for dinner with their dad, and he, the children and I find it works well for all of us.)
  3. List at least 5 negative responses or issues that could arise from every one hope, wish or goal on your list. These are some of the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. For example, your belief might be : I am going to miss out on so much of our children’s development (I am a bad mom.). or I am again the one responsible for most of the work and he gets recreation time with the kids (No one cares about me.). Whatever comes up, write it down.
  4. Now, say to yourself with your hand over your heart — Even though (negative response or belief), I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Continue to do this clearing exercise to help get you on the road to a loving divorce or post-divorce. Work on those beliefs that hold you back and watch the shifts happen. Please email me about them to candace@candacesmyth.com.

Lots of love to everyone today and through this week. Please share your insights and stories with me. Let me know how I can support you further along your journey.

With love and light,

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Tips on how to Prepare for the Transitions of Back to School.

I know many of you are back to school today. Some, like me, start next Tuesday after Labor Day. I don’t know about you, but neither Kate nor I are ever ready for it. I think it brings back those feelings from my same childhood. The Summers were when I was closest to my mom. We shucked corn, sold watermelons, made the freshest and most beautiful salads to eat together for lunch (with lots of onions and ranch dressing), we shelled and “put up” peas, I read books and ran barefoot to my grandparents house and played under the sprinkler. Ah, Summer. Time and memories are precious. And, I miss Kate when she goes back to school. That being said, I am also grateful for school being here because it means I have more time to work on helping more people and getting my message out there.

Also, with going back to school, the routine changes. Schedules for drop off and pick up change, after school activities begin again. With another transition, children can be a bit thrown off. Make sure you continue to have smooth transitions with the other parent. Here are some tips to help ensure the transitions remain smooth ones :

  • Make sure you have a schedule month by month that take into account the school’s calendar (teacher in service days, holidays, etc.) so there can be no misunderstanding. Make sure every single day is accounted for drop off and pick up. You know when you are responsible and the other parent knows his or her responsibility as well. Go over the schedule with your children if they are old enough. Even at two years old, the child benefits so much by a daily reminder of who is picking her up and when she will see the other parent next. Always communicate how long the child will be with the other parent and when she will be back with you. This helps them so much with the anxiety of the back and forth.
  • Confirm by email when and where “switchovers” will occur if it is not a school drop off, pick up. This should be on the schedule as well. Who is driving to where?
  • When you are transitioning from one parent to another in person, make sure to take time before that to ground yourself. It is super imperative that you keep tensions low when you transition your children to the other parent.
  • If your child is going to be picked up from school by the other parent for an overnight, make sure their special cuddly animal or toy is packed appropriately and tucked into the backpack. Speak with their teachers ahead of time about the importance of this to your child. Just make sure to communicate with your child about not bringing it out at school or to abide by the teacher’s rule about toys to be able to continue the practice.
  • Realize that the schedule may change because of activities and stay flexible and open to change for the child’s sake.
  •  Never make your child responsible or feel bad for any changes to the schedule.
  • Don’t be late for pick up. If it happens often, your child may begin to feel you do not care about him.
  • Meet with the new teachers to talk about the schedule so that they are aware of what is going on for your child and how you are working out the arrangements of drop off and pick up. This is a good time to tell the teacher about the stuffed animal or transition toy that your child will be bringing to school at times.

I realize the list above is mainly for parents of younger children, but even college age and adult children need constant communication about your divorce. Leaving for college or going back to college can bring up difficult emotions. They still need to know that you both love them and that they are not responsible for what is happening in your marriage. They need love, reassurance, and constant honest communication. Never talk badly about the other parent, even if they are 40 years old and you think they can handle it. They will always be your children and need the parental relationship with you.

I hope you have a great week! Please let me know if I can help you transition in any way.

Go here for more resources on going through divorce and healing your way through it. Please leave a comment here. I want to hear about what you think and how you have taken action this week. Let’s talk on the Facebook page http://facebook.com/candacesmyth/ or send me an email at candace@candacesmyth.com.

The divine light in me honors the divine light in you,

P.S. If you live in the Washington, DC area, here is the information on my new office for mediation clients in Maryland, Washington, DC, and Virginia : 1425 K St. NW, Washington, DC 20005. My telephone number is (202) 587-2772.

P.S.S. Get ready for some amazing resources! Not only do I post a weekly interview with a divorce-related professional or divorce story to learn from, but I am also about to give you a few key legal resource sites for each of your states. I will let you know when you can grab your local resource kit! Go here for the weekly interviews.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.

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