How to make the switch to change how you feel right now.

This morning it is pouring rain outside.  I love the rain.  I absolutely love it.

I grew up with Alabama storms so the ones here in DC always pale in comparison to what I experienced growing up.  Any hard rain or thunder makes me feel alive.  It is relaxing to wake to the sounds, and all of the trees, flowers, plants outside are so gratefully getting replenished.

Because of the rain, Kate may not have the annual Field Day at her school and we will have to use umbrellas and rain gear to keep from getting wet and may get wet.  Oh, and Emily our dog will definitely get wet and probably muddy which makes our floors dirty and adds another to do to my list.

Everything that happens has consequences, effects.  And, those consequences are both good and bad, never just one or the other.

It may be difficult to see right now, but there are always positive effects to an action.

What is something that you are having a hard time with right now or something “bad” that has happened to you this week?  Think about it and write it down.

Now under where you have written what happened to you, answer these three questions :

  1. What have I learned about myself from what happened?
  2. What have I learned about others involved from what happened?
  3. What is my gift from what has happened?

We are all made up of our experiences, and the universe or god takes us through many a dark alley to help us to see better.  

It is in noticing, it is in recognizing the lesson where the miracle blossoms.  When we get trapped in the negative consequences, the negative chatter or story of what is, we are just that, trapped.

It is sometimes extremely difficult to break free from the cycle of feeling bad and sorry for ourselves.  But, when we are able to switch the chatter and notice how we are different because of what happened, what we are now able to see because of it, life turns toward the light.

Please leave a comment below telling me how you have made the switch recently.  What happened and how did you break the negative story?

This week’s interview is with Stacey Martino of http://loveandpassioncoach.com.  We talk about how to repair the relationship, even if the marriage isn’t going to last, so you can get to a place of peace, compassion and clarity to create the love affair of your dreams with your current spouse or a new future love and life partner.

Stacey Martino is the love and passion expert.  Stacey and her husband Paul are the founders of Love and Passion Coach dot com, where couples create an unshakable love and unleashed passion that lasts a lifetime! Stacey and Paul created their own magnificent love affair and together developed their proven eight step Relationship Transformation System™ for helping people to create their own unshakable love and unleashed passion!

Stacey began in personal development over 17 years ago.  She is trained and certified as a Marriage Educator, Divorce Preventionist, Strategic Interventionist and Coach by Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes of the Robbins Madanes Center for Strategic Intervention.  Stacey and Paul are consistently sought after to help people all around the world repair and transform their intimate relationships.  They are known for achieving astounding and rapid results!  Stacey and Paul live and love happily together in Bucks County PA with their two small children!

You can find out more about Stacey and her work at loveandpassioncoach.com.

Click here to listen to our interview. 

Remember to leave me a comment about what you have turned around.

With love and light,

 

 

 

P.S. If you would like to talk with me about mediation and how it might help in your particular situation, call me (202) 587-2772 or email candace@candacesmyth.com.  I provide in-person (DC & MD) mediation sessions and skype sessions for those outside of the metro DC area.  Learn more about them here.

P.S.S. And, if you are looking for a divorce support group.  I am starting both a lunchtime and evening group June 20.  If you live in the Washington, DC area, call or email me to get on the list.  202.587-2772 or candace@candacesmyth.com.

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What you do now affects the rest.

We are all blessed with the ability to make a decision in present time.

I met with two women over the last couple of weeks who had a similar story.  They talked about how their divorce had gone relatively well.  They had children who are now thriving and close with both co-parents.  Then, they told me that their husband (second husband) and his children, however, had a very different story.  Both new husbands were still in litigation with their former spouses and co-parents.  Their children were in high school and college and both had been in litigation since the divorce when the children were much younger.  As you can imagine, they told me those children are not doing as well.

Then, another story.  A guy told me that he had recently married his wife and they are very much in love, but her former spouse will not let her move on.  And, he predicts a similar story as the ones above just beginning for him.

What I realized from listening to them is how important our decisions in the present moment are to our future.  Do you see that too?  It is easy to say, “well, if one wants to be litigious and not let go there is nothing you can do.”  But, I know you have heard me say before that it only takes one to make a change.  There are always two in conflict.

When one finds herself in conflict in divorce and possibly litigation, it is so important to have help to see through what  is truly going on.  What are the triggers? Why is she fighting so hard, why is he?  Most likely in these situations, there is a wound very deep.  If you and your ex and co-parent could have a mediated or therapeutic conversation about that wound today, it would not be able to fester into the future and affect the rest of your life and your children.

Here are some tips on how to take care of things now so you are not in litigation in 10 years.

  1. Take responsibility and shine a light on your part in the conflict.
  2. Even if you disagree with the main point, find common ground.  Try to agree with something your ex is putting out there.
  3. When you are having a conversation about something, keep on topic.  Don’t let yourself stray into old issues and hurts.  Stay on topic.
  4. Work on forgiving your spouse for the hurts you do have.  Know this takes time, but it starts with the desire to let go and forgive.
  5. Think about your kids first — before money, before your hurts and resentments.  Know that children need both parents in their lives whenever possible.
  6. Respect the other parent’s house and parenting.  They may do it in a way you do not approve of, but if you can let that go, your child will be happier and your co-parenting relationship will thrive.

Is there something that has helped you in your co-parenting relationship?

Number 6 was HUGE for me.  Once I stopped judging that Kate stayed up late to watch movies at Dad’s (and I really struggled with the judgment and worry about “routine” and whether she was getting enough sleep here), I saw the value in that, I respected him more as a Dad and for what he could give her that I would not.  Now, she loves and knows so much about film — black and white movies, etc.  She is an amazing writer and visionary.  She is making cartoons and animation videos.  I am not sure she would be doing all of that had she not had those late night experiences on the weekend with her Dad.  I credit him for instilling in her love of film.    She may have lost a couple of hours of sleep at 4, but she doesn’t remember that today at 8.  She has memories of her and her Dad and quality time.

Just let go of some things.  Watch how it changes response.

I know there are some things you can’t let go of but can you just change the way you respond to them?

Remember,

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  Viktor Frankl  

This week’s interview is with Natanya Lara.  Natanya and I met talking about the joys and challenges of co-parenting.   It is such a dance and one you learn as you move through each day.  I hope you enjoy this conversation on parenting as much as I did.

 

As an intentional parenting coach, Natanya works with parents who are struggling with parenting and are challenged and triggered by their children’s behavior.  With authenticity and compassion, she guides her clients in creating a parenting practice that is based in their values, which provides the foundation for confident, empathic parenting. Natanya has been a stay-at-home mom, full-time working mom, entrepreneur mom, married mom, and solo mom,  She has two boisterous boys, ages 5 and 7, who keep her on her toes and practicing her own work daily.  Visit her at www.natanyalara.com, to receive your free audio class, The Key to Intentional Parenting.  And, don’t miss her parenting summer camp!

http://natanyalara.com/parenting-summer-camp/

 

Here’s the link to the interview.

 

We are blessed with the ability to make a decision in the present time.

Lots of love to you,

 

 

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There are bright skies.

 

I have been listening to a mentor lately talk about the flip side.  Whenever there is lack, there is always abundance.  Wherever there is gray, there is bright blue.  Wherever there is a feeling that everything has gone to you know where, there is a feeling of joy and happiness.

It is how the universe works.  One day things are really low, the next they are beautiful.  Whatever goes up must come down, and whatever goes down will come up too.

We have to trust that the universe or god has a divine plan, and if we are in a difficult place, we are here to be rewarded with the lesson that will get us to the next place.  Tomorrow, next week, or next year, we will look back to here and remember how we felt and hopefully see the benefit to our feeling of hopelessness, fear, or anger.  The feelings are okay, we are blessed to be here and going through whatever it is we are going through.

When things fall apart, what do you do to help to bring yourself back — because the the fear is not real.  We have to bring ourselves back to the reality of the situation, the reality of our day.  When we let ourselves go into the worst possible places we are allowing ourselves to drift in illusion.

Here are some things I do to get myself back ::

  • I sit quietly on the floor, with my eyes closed and breathe.  I don’t time myself.  I just do it until my mind is clear and my heart feels calm.
  • yoga.  Even just legs up the wall for 5 minutes.  I like to turn myself upside down.
  • Go for a run.  And, I don’t mean 3 miles — I run for about a mile to a mile and a half.
  • Do an angel tarot card reading for myself.
  • Prayer.  I pray that god and the universe helps me to see more clearly.
  • Light incense.  I love the tiny sticks — Morning Star.
  • Organize the clutter on my desk.  Usually when my mind is cluttered, so is my desk.
  • Go do the dishes or the laundry.  It usually clears my mind a bit.
  • Go for a walk in the woods or down the street.
  • Go for a bike ride.
  • Water the plants.
  • Figure out something to give and make it happen.  Give a gift or sign up to give my time to a non-profit.  I volunteer.
  • Music.  I put on some spiritual chants.  Music that is created to clear the chakras.
  • Write up my gratitude list.  There are always things I am grateful for no matter how bad things get.

Most of the time, I do a combination of these.  Do whatever is going to help you to get there.  Don’t numb yourself with alcohol or other substances if you can help it.  That only puts off what can be dealt with today.

I hope these are helpful.  Please email me if I can help in any way — if you need an intuitive reading or a coaching call.

Much love and warmly,

P.S.  Check out the North Star Interviews — there must be something that you have been needing to learn about to help with the divorce process :: http://www.candacesmyth.com/north-star-session-interview-series/

P.S.S. If you are in the Washington, DC area and looking for a support group to help you through the divorce process and beyond.  Email me for the details.  We will be meeting at noon beginning May 22 at the Center for Mindful Living at Tenleytown.

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Exercise Your Compassion Muscle.

Good morning!

We had a beautiful weekend celebrating Kate’s 8th birthday.  Last week she was in a play (two shows) and had her school’s annual performance night where she sang “Who Says” and played a piano piece duet with her piano teacher.  She (and all of us) were busy to say the least.  So, on Sunday, I drank lots of tea, rested, and watched Game of Thrones.  Does anyone else love that show as much as I do?  Yesterday was my day because Kate was with her dad.  I would love to have Kate every day of my life, but it is not possible and has not been possible since her dad and I separated.  I had to find the gift in it, and I know it to be that I am given days of rest, a day to read what I want to read, to spend time alone with my husband, to garden, to have brunch, to do whatever I want (within reason, of course).

I was talking to someone not too long ago about how difficult it was when I had to “let go” of having Kate every day and night.  It had to have been one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  I could not stop thinking about all of the days and activities that I was missing of her life.  What would she do that I would miss this week?  It is still a little painful to think about — especially because she was so young at the time.  I minimized the time away as much as I could, and I believe that it all worked out in the end and that Kate is much better for it.  She is strong and loved.  She loves being home with us and she loves going and being with her Dad too.

You have to find the gift in it when what is is not how you would prefer it to be.  Let’s not be the victim, but instead, the student.    For me, I had to learn to have self-compassion and to use the time to take care of me.

What is your Game of Thrones-like gift to yourself?

We learn from our experiences — good and bad.  We grow, we learn to love more and bigger hopefully.

I want to share with you an exercise that I learned at a recent event.  It is called the Compassion Exercise and it is a very simple five step process to personal peace. Go to The Avatar Compassion Project to get more information and your own free compassion kit.

Here are the five steps.  Focus with attention on your spouse whom you are separating from or divorcing (whatever stage you may be in right now) ::

Step One :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ____ is seeking some happiness for his/her life.

Step Two :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ______ is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life. 

Step Three :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ____ has known sadness, loneliness and despair.

Step Four :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, ______ is seeking to fulfill his/her needs.

Step Five :  With attention on your spouse, repeat to yourself :

Just like me, _____ is learning about life. 

Close your eyes, deep breath in, and out.

And, as we are talking about letting go and compassion, this week’s interview with Rachel Strisik gets into the physical domain.  How do you deal with your space and the accumulation of stuff in a marriage when you are going through divorce.  What do you keep, what do you give away, throw away?  How can you use your space to take care of you?  Listen to the interview below!

Rachel Strisik is an organizing extraordinaire – Rachel uses creativity, style and a little elbow grease to help clients get their homes, schedules and lives in order. A professional organizer, Rachel empowers her clients to live more organized, productive lives.  Over the course of her career, she has worked on Capitol Hill and with start-ups. Most recently, she served as Director of Operations for a national personal styling company, Style for Hire, co-founded by celebrity stylist Stacy London from TLC’s What Not to Wear.  Rachel lives in the Washington, DC area with her husband and five year-old identical twin daughters.  Read more about her and how to get organized at : http://www.rachel-company.com/.

Click Here for the Interview. 

With love and light,

P.S. If you would like to talk with me about mediation and how it might help in your particular situation, call me (202) 587-2772 or email candace@candacesmyth.com.  I provide in-person (DC & MD) mediation sessions and skype sessions for those outside of the metro DC area.  Learn more about them here.

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The Five Mindsets That Build Conflict

This morning the birds are chirping.  They are all back and hoping (as I am) for more sun, more Spring-like weather.  Kate and I were away for Spring Break last week down in Alabama visiting with family.  I spent some of my time just walking around the beautiful large yard where I grew up, stepping between the trees I have known since childhood and the memories they hold.  The Azaleas, the banana bloom tree, dogwoods, the pecan trees and oaks.  Walking and feeling blessed to be with nature, to be back home was very healing, meditative.  It almost helped to reset my psyche and the blessings I have in my life.  Even through the loss of my parents, many aunts and uncles, grandparents, friends, those trees still stand.  It is that sureness with which I feel centered in nature.  It is all okay.  We run around the trees with our dramas and life changes, but they stand with a stillness and strength of eternity.
My husband could not go with us on our trip last week, and I missed his presence so much.  Being away from him and spending that time being quiet brought me home feeling so grateful for our life together.  That gratefulness, that spirit comes and goes with disagreements, however.  We are so very different in how we communicate but so very passionate about our love for one another.  From my experience, passion and fire in conflict go hand in hand.  But, conflict does not have be engulfed in fire and it does not have to end the relationship.  It is possible to have communication miracles in your relationship or in your divorce negotiation.

In mediations, I so often see similar communication issues come up.  These are passionate couples — couples that are engulfed in fire.  You can tell why they fell in love with one another immediately.  And, then instead of using the fire to love one another completely and melt into the flames as one, they find themselves using the fire against the other.  I truly believe that for some of these same couples, staying together is possible.  It only takes one of the two to turn it around.  Sure, both have to want to make it work, but only one must notice, pay attention to what is going on and not react to the dynamic in the same way as before.

What does it take to be that one person? It takes love and presence.  It takes being an adult and not letting the childhood triggers run your life and relationship.  And, of course, it is not easy.

When another loves us and we feel we are in the presence of unconditional love, it repairs our childhood wound of feeling unwanted, unloved.  It is not possible, however, for the unconditional love and presence to be constant — it is not human.  And, in divorce, we as a couple are learning to separate from one another, and often the unconditional love is not present through the divorce process.  David Richo who I have talked about before in this space discusses the “five mindsets of ego” in his book : How to Be an Adult in Relationships.  Learning to acknowledge and work with these five mindsets so that you can be present in the relationship and/or conflict can truly shift your dynamic miraculously.

These are the five ego-driven mindsets that invade our mental space to disallow our presence in the moment and with the person in front of us.  They are very good at distorting reality too.  From Richo’s book:

  1. Fear :: “I perceive a threat in you or am afraid you may not like me so I am on the defensive.”
  2. Desire :: “I am trying to get something from you or this.”
  3. Judgment :: “I am caught up in my own opinion about you or this.”
  4. Control :: “I am attached to a particular outcome and am caught in the need to fix, persuade, advise or change you.”
  5. Illusion ::  ”I have a mental picture of or belief about you or this and it obscures what you are really like.”

Which of these plagues you and your relationship or divorce process?  Which of these can you vow to being mindful of so that you can stay present with your emotions and the reality of the situation?

If you are in the divorce process, be mindful of these ego-driven mindsets and know them as that.  They are there to protect you the only way they know how.  It is your job to notice them, thank them but tell them you can take care of yourself in this.  Notice them and release them so that you can deal with the present situation, argument, moment with as little ego and as much love as possible.  Presence is the key to resolving conflict.

With love and light,

P.S. If you are looking for a coach to help you divorce different and do it less expensively (much less!) and with a huge reduction in conflict, contact me by replying to this email now or call me (202) 587-2772.

P.S.S. If you are struggling to find a way through this process, call me to discuss my family mediation services.  (202) 587-2772.

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The Quite Possibly Worst Addiction Out There

The number one destroyer of a mediation going smoothly is the same as the number one destroyer of intimacy in close relationships.  Blame and Criticism.

Blame and criticism are costly addictions, and the truth is that when we criticize it doesn’t have anything to do with the thing we are criticizing.  When we blame someone or something, we are doing it because we are trying to weaken the flow of positive energy.  Gay Hendricks has talked about how when you go into criticizing or blame mode it is as if you are in a hypnotic trance.  When we’are in the trance, we really believe that the other person has done wrong.

 

Isn’t this so true?  When we criticize or blame haven’t we absolutely convinced ourselves that the other person has done something wrong?  They deserve to hear it and we want them to make amends.  When they don’t?  Well, that’s just more reason they should be blamed and criticized.  And, ladies, I hate to say it, but we sometimes have the most critical tongue.  ”When a woman criticizes a man, whether she does it deliberately or not, she makes it impossible for him to feel connected to her.  Where there is withdrawn or silent man, there is usually a critical woman.”  – Patricia Love and Steven Stosny

Some of you, however, right now as you read this still do not understand why blame is a negative.  Don’t they deserve some of this?  I know I have had my share of what I thought to be justified blame.  There is no truth in what we are dishing out.  What is true is our feeling about their behavior.

Here’s the thing, when we blame we are blind and choose to be so.  We remain unaware of the fact that by blaming we are telling ourselves about the other’s behavior and that stimulates our pain.  This lack of awareness causes distress and also keeps us powerless to do anything about it. Even though we attempt to reduce our distress by continuing to throw the heat on the other person by blaming and criticizing, the fire in us burns even greater.  This is because when we blame it mirrors back onto us because the truth is we are all one.  Another way to look at blame is that it is just a tragic expression of an unmet need.  If you call your spouse cold and heartless, this is more about your hurt, what you feel you were lacking in the relationship.  This is about your needs and his or her inability to meet them and our disappointment or hurt that they could not or did not.  By expressing the unmet need through blame and criticism we almost guarantee that our need will not be met.

 

So, what can we do about it?

Stop it.  (If you can’t, seek some help because it is an addiction.)

Just as blame is a protective measure based on fear and ignorance, compassion is a countermove based on courage and understanding.

So, when you start to feel the rise of the need to blame or criticize, take a moment to feel whatever it is that is bubbling up in you.  Where is the feeling located?  Is it in your stomach, your throat, your heart.  What is behind the blame you want to throw out there?  Are you scared?  Are you lonely and sad?  Are you angry because he or she is not giving to you what you need?  Can you now ask for what it is you need without blaming or criticizing.  ”I am really sad because I have wanted to be close to you.”  ”I feel scared because I don’t know how to do this alone.”

In divorce, just as in marriage, the feelings behind the blame or criticism should be discussed so that some of these age-old relationship dynamic wounds may be healed.  Divorce can be such a healing process.  And, we need that more than anything.  When we decide that the marriage must end, why do we think that it should be the biggest and meanest fight ever?  Why not wrap it up, bless it for the lessons and for the moments of kindness and joy, and send it on its way so that we may move forward to have the capacity for enjoyment, for new loves, for joy.

Amen.

 

With love and light,

 

 

P.S. If you are looking for a coach to help you divorce different and do it less expensively (much less!) and with a huge reduction in conflict, contact me by replying to this email now or call me (202) 587-2772.

 

P.S.S. If you are struggling to find a way through this process and you live in Washington, DC or Maryland, call me to discuss my family mediation services.  (202) 587-2772.

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Sometimes life happens and you don’t know what to do

Sometimes life happens and you don’t know what to do.

My family was all in various doctors offices all day yesterday — with Kate.  I am still so worried about how she is going to be.  She has been complaining with butt pain and she can’t walk very well.  We seem to have figured it out, but we go back to the doctor today.

Times like these though make everything stop still for me.

I am triggered big time.  I hold it together for Kate and then I lose it.  I have lost so many people I loved tragically and suddenly and to have Kate suffering from something unknown throes me into trauma-panic mode.  I am definitely mother bear and hen and all.

What has helped me is to repeat over and over what I am grateful for.  I am grateful for so many things in my life right now.  So many.

A repeating list of gratefulness is a huge part of holding it together.

My constant rose quartz stone is always with me.  It gives me grounding and love.

My breath continues to work too.

We all fall on difficult times.  Things do fall apart or seem to.  This is what it is to be human.  Things that go up, must come down.  Things that go down, must come up.  It is the fluidity of life.  So, I try, I work on myself, on my trust of the universe, god.  I pray, meditate, hold onto my rose quartz and breathe.  I have been here before.  And, I know that I have the tools to not let my negative (let’s go into the dark ravine) mind take over.  That is what I teach, after all.

I am here.  I am grateful.  You and I are loved.  I promise to check back in at the end of the week.

With love and light,

P.S.  I would truly be honored to have you in the North Star Sessions.  I can’t wait to go through the program with you myself.  Its a six week program.   Here ‘s the link for more information and to register : http://www.candacesmyth.com/the-north-star-sessions/  Remember, if you are in the DC area, we will be holding two in-person group workshops.  I am so looking forward to having you there.

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You Determine Your Wake Up Call.

I was thinking yesterday about how much of a wake up call divorce really is.  Wake up calls come in tiny packages, big packages, packages that take up a room.  From losing a parent to losing a job, they force us to be present here, now and to look at our lives.  What of that which we have been doing do we want to continue to do.  Are our friends really our friends?  How much of our life was honest?  Where were we needy?  What areas of our life did we fail to look at because we just did not think we were strong enough?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wake up calls are really godsends.  Marianne Williamson calls relationships “laboratories of the Holy Spirit.”   And, an ending to a relationship is no different.  They are godsends because they force us to keep going.  They push us onto higher ground, making us stronger and more alive.  No more going through the motions and struggling to make a relationship work.  Now, you have the opportunity to be loved by yourself more than ever before.  What happens when you don’t feel you can handle the wake up call though?  It truly is a process whereby you either choose ego or spirit.  The ego is going to speak the loudest because you have been hurt.  The ego believes it is there to serve you, to protect you.  Spirit is there to serve the highest good, god, the Universe.  And, so we must turn to spirit wherever we can to help spirit prevail over ego.

Here are five things you can do to move forward :

  1. Find an activity that gets you moving and do it every week — often, consistently.  I recommend yoga, rock climbing, hiking alone, tai chi.  Something that can quiet the ego which moving your body.  You have red blood cells pumping healing oxygen to your body and quieting your mind.
  2. Talk to spiritual people.  Those people you strive to be like.  The ones who don’t judge and don’t want to be part of any drama.  Let them help you ground yourself, let go and forgive.
  3. Develop a meditation practice or practice of prayer.  Bless the day every morning and every night before bed.
  4. Write down 5 things you are grateful for every single day.
  5. Whenever an unloving thought arises about your spouse or partner, imagine him or her as a child.  When children are young we do not judge their actions so harshly because we see they are growing.  Human beings are always growing — both children and adults — and as both we stumble and fall.

I have a gift for you today.  It is a visualization/meditation.  See if it speaks to you, helps you through something.  Email me about your experiences this week.

Lots of love to everyone today and through this week.  Please share your insights and stories with me.  Let me know how I can support you further along your journey.  I am holding office hours this coming Thursday from 2-3 p.m. Call me about anything on your mind.

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One Sure Way to Get What You Need.

This morning, the air is really crisp and cool.  Fall is here!  I have all of the windows open, and the birds are all chirping.  I even have on my comfy socks this morning — I love this weather!  With it, for me, comes a new time.  I have an impetus to wake up earlier and feel more like going for a run.  I feel more alive somehow with this change in season most especially.  So, I have committed to some new things for me.  And, today is the beginning.

 

What new committments can you make?

Here are some possibilities :

  • A daily giving ritual – (1) Give to yourself first : spiritual practice, reflection time, and daily nourishment for your body.  (2) Give to another one super intentional thing a day.  (3) At night before bed, write down the gifts you received that day.
  • Make your green juice every day and drink 1 to 2 glasses of it each day.
  • Begin each day with an affirmation and end each day with one.
  • Go to a yoga class three times a week.
  • Wake up earlier so you can have some alone time.
  • Create a new vision board.

Only you know what you really need.  Take this morning to commit to inviting this change of habit into your life.

 

You will notice that I started the possibilities with the daily giving ritual.  I was in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida last week and heard Cynthia Kersey speak.  At that event, we gave enough to provide for five new schools and water supply system for five villages in Africa.  Read about Cynthia’s Unstoppable Foundation here.  I realized that I needed very much to give back more in my community and to other issues on which I care deeply.  I have been stagnate lately – concentrating on my business and my family but knowing I can give even more.

 

It is when we are at our darkest too, as in going through divorce, that we become so focused on ourselves and the mess of our own situation.  By giving, you are able to step out of that mindset.  When you give frequently, you are in a steady flow and there is no stagnation.

 

If you want to receive more, give more.  More time, energy, a smile, help with the groceries, it can be money too.  Whatever is before you right now.  Where you see the need.

 

Can this apply in the divorce process itself?  Yes.  Absolutely.  Do you notice how the principle of flow shows up in divorce?  When neither you nor your partner want to give on anything, you stay in a space of stagnate anger and resentment.  You are both pulling and no movement can occur.  It is only when one gives that movement happens.  Only when one gives can the other receive, then with receiving the other may give or the universe will give back in some other way.  But, we must let go to the universal way.  When you stop the flow, you don’t receive.  If you want to squelch the flames of anger, make a different and unexpected move.  Be giving.  Give something you have been fighting tooth and nail for (something that you realize you were fighting for to make a point or fighting for it to help heal the hurts deep within).  Take the road less traveled.  Test it.  Give.  Receive.

 

With love and light,


P.S.  With this new season, I want to make sure everyone is taking care of themselves.  I am offering a 45 minute ayurveda consultation for $49 (regular $200).  Go here to schedule your session.  The consultation will go through the specifics of your dosha type and give you insights into your vedic astrology chart as well.  If you are separating or divorcing, we can also talk about your partner’s dosha and how to use the knowledge in the divorce process itself.  This is the first time I have offered this and I will only be offering it at this price for two weeks.  If you have ever wanted to know more about Ayurveda, this is the time to learn.  Fall is the perfect time to make changes and fall into the rhythms of the universe.  Here’s the link again.

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3 Tips to Turn You Around and Get You Going Again.

This is my view this morning, up in the hills of Berkeley, California. I am the first one up, even here, and it is so very quiet and still. It’s balmy, chilly, and feels like I am in a treehouse with the birds. My family is on our first week of Summer vacation, visiting dear friends. There is truly nothing better and I just feel blessed and grateful to be here and to have time with our friends. Where are you this morning? What are 5 things you’re grateful for this morning?

Here are mine:

  1. I am almost completely over the cold I came down with after last week’s travel.
  2. Being here, with our friends.
  3. Being able to spend quality time with my husband and daughter this week.
  4. These views and the sunsets we have been witness to these last few nights.
  5. This amazing cup of Peet’s coffee.

This exercise is an easy way to train your mind to see the positive and live the life you deserve to live. Just find 5 things each morning that you are grateful for. Be specific.

Now, pick three words to describe yourself or your best self. This is an exercise I learned recently from Brendon Burchard. Go ahead. Choose three words. For example, these are mine: present, loving, strong. Three more that I love: real, inspiring, dynamic. This next part takes a bit more focus: several times throughout your day, run those three words through what Brendon calls your “consciousness dashboard.” So, for example, I would ask myself, “How present am I? How loving am I? How strong am IThis will keep your goals at the forefront of your mind and will keep you moving in the right direction.

At the end of your day, maybe just before closing your eyes to sleep, ask yourself these three questions:

  1. Did I live?
  2. Did I love?
  3. Did I matter?

These three exercises, one in the morning, one throughout the day, and one just before bed, will help to keep you very clear about your life, where you are now, and where you are going. Will you do it with me for one week? I’d love it if you would join me and tell me about it in the comments below, on Facebook, or via email.
The divine light in me honors the divine light in you,

P.S., My new office for mediation clients in Maryland, Washington, DC, and Virginia is located at 1425 K St. NW, Washington, DC 20005. You can call me there at (202) 587-2772.

P.P.S., Get ready for some amazing resources!  I think you’ll find these hugely supportive, and I’ll send you a note when they’re are up on the site!

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