Having the Win, Win Mindset.


Wow, what a week!  Our family was completely split up this week — traveling every which way.  I was in Portland for the World Domination Summit and then in Dallas for the eWomen Network Conference.  Frank was in Brazil for work and Kate was with her Dad visiting cousins and her grandparents in Ohio.  Kate and I were reunited yesterday and Frank just got back this morning (so sorry for the delay in getting this to you today).

Here’s a photo of Kate and me playing yesterday — it is so good to be home!

 So that’s that.  We are all home.  I am so happy I could cry!  This is what life is all about.  And, when you have been away and you come back, it intensifies so much how important being present with Kate and Frank is to me. To stop the busyness cycle and savor the minutes I have with them each day.  To set clear boundaries for myself around e-mail, computer time, appointments so that when I am with Kate and Frank, I am with Kate and Frank completely.

While we were all in our separate places this week, Kate lost her first tooth.  I have to admit my first feeling was sadness — “I missed it.”  There have been a few moments of her early life that “I missed” so to speak.  Funny things she said at 2 or her first experience with Santa clause.  Divorce splits up the time, and it has been something I have had to work through emotionally over the years.  So, whereas my first feeling was of sadness because I was not there, I took a moment to go deeper with myself.  Where did that sadness really come from?  I realized that I was feeling this sadness as an extension of all of the “missed” experiences from her life.

It’s all loss, but I experienced it more intensely because the separation, the divorce was a choice I made.  I have felt responsible at times for the fact that we are not together some holidays or every night of the week.

From that moment when I found out she lost her tooth, I decided to choose to think about all that I did get to see and experience with her.  In fact, it’s not about the experience itself really, it’s about the time you do have and how present you are in that time.  When I talked to her the next day, she told me she wanted me to see her tooth before she put it under her pillow for the tooth fairy.  She brought it all the way home in a personally decorated jewelry box labeled “Kate’s first tooth.”  It took my letting go of my own feeling of loss of the experience and Kate’s dad’s letting go of being the tooth fairy for Kate to have the experience she most wanted and needed.  We both give and receive as her parents and it works best when we are able to stop, take notice of the feeling, and let go.  I am so grateful she had time with her Dad and family last week and that they all experienced the loss of her first tooth with her.  It’s not about me.  We are all in this together.  And, I love seeing life as a win, win, win!  No more of the win, lose because I believe with that mindset and structure everyone really loses.

With a win, lose mindset and custody structure, no one really wins.

Go out there and have a wonderful week!  Lots of love from me!

Click here for more resources on going through divorce and healing your way through it.  Please leave a comment here.  I want to hear about what you think and how you have taken action this week.  Let’s talk on the Facebook page http://facebook.com/candacesmyth/ or send me an email at candace@candacesmyth.com.

The divine light in me honors the divine light in you,

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